Thursday, October 19, 2006
Mosquitoes Are My Number ONE Nemesis
I’m having one of those days. You know the kind…you wake up feeling like you could kill the first person to say “Good morning” and throughout the day the anger dissipates and you become full of unexplainable sadness.
I know the immediate cause for sure. I went to bed last night at 11:30pm. At midnight, Paul came home and accused me of pretending to sleep rather than say “hi” to him. That was clearly not the case and when I asked him to get out of the bedroom so I could go to sleep, he did, mostly without a fight. I started to drift off when I felt a sharp sting on my hand. “I know that sting well”, I thought. I immediately turned the light on and found a family of mosquitoes resting comfortable on the wall above the bed. For some reason, my apartment is a breeding ground for those vile assholes.
During the summer I had some mosquito visitors and it drove me INSANE. Paul NEVER gets bit, but I get bit on every skin cell in my body.
With one fell swoop, I smashed the family of blood-suckers and turned the light back off. Just as I’m drifting off to sleep again, I feel another sting. “MOTHERFUCK!”
Paul comes rushing into the bedroom. “WHAT’S WRONG!?!”
“These damn mosquitoes are ruining my life!”
Paul finds one tucked into the crevice of the wall and when he goes to smash it, the little bastard flies away and sits on the cathedral style ceiling (about 20 feet above my head). Paul convinces me that if I just close my eyes and relax, the mosquito will do his own thing and I’ll be able to go to sleep. I wasn’t too convinced by this plan, but I allowed it to happen.
Ten more minutes passed and then STING!.
“FUCKING MOTHER FUCKING SHIT!”
Paul comes running in again. “Another one?”, he says.
“Paul, it’s now 1am and I really need to go to sleep and I know that there’s a mosquito in here cuz my chin is swollen like Rumor Willis.”
“Who?”
“Whatever. HELP!”
Paul decides to stay in the bedroom with me and go to sleep as well. We hunt for the mosquito king and I start to get so angry as the minutes tick from 1:10am to 1:25am to 1:35am. “PAUL! This is the worst moment of my whole day! I have to go to sleep! WE HAVE TO FIND HIS FUCKER!”
Paul slaps the wall and says “I GOT IT!”
“Let me see…I don’t believe you!”
“Trust me, its dead.”
“Fine. Thank you. Turn off the light and let’s please (for the love of all things wonderful) go to bed!”
We turn off the lights…and yes, you guessed it…STING!.
I literally scream and turn on the lights.
“PAUL! PAUL, you lied! I just got bit again. We have to find it or I’ll be dead by morning. Paul, please!"
At this point Paul just lies there quietly and closes his eyes. I sat (absolutely buck naked – oh did I forget to include that part in the story?) on the bed and stared at every possible inch of the bedroom walls. At 2:30am, I gave up, anger resting comfortably in my mind, and buried myself in every blanket on the bed with only room for my mouth to breathe.
Sometime after that I fell asleep and within (what seemed) seconds, my alarm went off. I got up, cursed the world, had my cigarette and began to start my day off with frustration and nausea.
If I don’t get at least 7 hours of sleep a night, I’m a miserable mess for the entire day. I was never able to pull off successful all-nighters in college and I’m not one to stay up for days straight on a drug binge. I just don’t have it in me. I need sleep if I’m even going to pretend to be happy that I’m alive.
Paul called me earlier today and he said “I have good news!” I immediately thought that he was off from work tonight, thus giving us one night together this week. But the good news was this: “I found the mosquito this morning and smashed it and blood splattered all over the wall!”
Well, THANK YOU Paul. But couldn’t you have done that 12 hours ago??
In any case, it’s almost time to leave work and I can’t wait to go home, scour the apartment for any leftover mosquitoes of doom, and get into my bed. Tyler, of course, will be curled up in my right arm and we will (HOPEFULLY) snooze our way right into our weekend.
